Not naming any names here, but her initials are Angel Chihuahua.
Look. I'm not casting aspersions here. It's just that Angel and I get the same food. I eat all of mine. And when I get the chance, I eat some of hers too.
See, our people spend all kinds of money to make sure we have the best food ever. I was checking out the food ingredients just the other day. Here's what we get in our food. Beef byproducts, pork byproducts, free range chicken butts, water, cereal, high fructose corn syrup, beet bile, mandrake clippings, peyote oil, Eye of Newt, Omega 1, 2, 3, and 4, oils with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. That's before the aromatherapy. What's to be picky about? Food like that calls to me. It says, "Dive in, Stew." And I do. My bowl is always empty.
Don't believe me? Take a look.
Oh.Holy.Mother.Of.Dawg! There are two bits of food I neglected. How could this have happened?I must correct this injustice immediately.
TTYL,
Don't stew over the small things. Just sweep them under the carpet. Hunny will find them and throw them out for you.
ReplyDeleteMore like throw me out. She's not talking to me today. :(
DeleteThat isn't possible. No woman could possibly be angry with anyone as cute as you are. I mean, you are ridiculously adorable. I just want to hug you and pet you and squeeze you every time I see your picture. Face it -- you're a chick magnet.
Delete*flexes glutes*
DeleteActually, it is my understanding that Hunny will find them and put them in the fridge with the rest of the garbage.
ReplyDeleteStew, I applaud your can-do approach when it comes to mealtime. It may be that Miss Angel is afraid of losing her girlish figure and so is discarding what she perceives to be the most caloric part of her meal. Human women, for example, often throw away the most delicious and nutritious part of eggs in their attempt to stay slender.
Just keep telling Miss Angel how wonderfully slim she looks in her collar. While you're at it, you might mention that she's forcing Hunny to fill the fridge with the messy overspill from her bowl, which isn't very considerate.
Or heck, you can just eat whatever Miss Angel leaves. That's pretty much a win for everyone.
I like that last idea of yours. Just think of all the people and dawgs I'd be helping out if I finished up Angel's leftovers. You know, it's a sacrifice, but I'm a stand-up-Chihuey and I believe I'll do it.
DeleteStew, if you and Angel have a puppy, you won't need to worry about the leftovers. Of course, that may counter Angel's pursuit of the svelte, girlish figure that Cassandra cites above.
ReplyDeleteIxnay on the uppiespay. Angel's been beaten up enough from pumping out litter after litter. Besides, the other day when I went to scratch myself something seemed to be missing. I'm not quite sure what, but I suspect it might be related to the fact that I've lost my baritone and am now barking in a tenor voice.
DeleteAre you worried that she's developing an eating disorder or hoarding food in case these good days do not last?
ReplyDeleteNope. I'm worried that she's become a kibble snob. Next thing, she'll be demanding a nice Bordeaux in her water dish.
DeleteAfter some discussion with Mai Ling the puzzle has been solved. Mai Ling says that the light-colored ones are made from chicken butt - and since there's nothing better than chicken butt Miss Angel is merely using her exquisite sense of taste to pick out the best stuff first. :D
ReplyDeleteYeah, I figured. She's a freakin' diva.
DeleteI've just remembered -- the dog my family had as a kid used to do this! Only she would eat all the chewy bits in her food and leave the harder bits. However, she often would go back a few hours later and eat the rest. I think she kept hoping we'd get the hint and just give her a bowl of the chewy things. Perhaps once Angel figures out that Beard Man and Nice Lady are as thick-headed as my family and will never get the hint, she'll give the dark bits a chance.
DeleteI'm sorry, Miss Cassandra, but I can't seem to get past the fact that your family had a dog as a kid. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
DeleteWhat? Shouldn't one's dog be part of the family?
DeleteYeah, Mom and Dad made all of us kids eat the same food. But the rest of us ate all of it like troopers. Not like that diva dog.
The dog we had when I was a kid. She would only Gainesburgers with cheese-flavored bits. If you bought her Gainesburrgers without the cheese-flavored bits, she would turn her nose up and stage a temporary hunger strike. I say temporary because eventually she would condescend to eat what was presented.
DeleteMiss Lori, Beard Face Man tells me he had a dog who loved popcorn, but only with butter on it. See, that makes sense to me. It should probably have bacon too. And Miss Cass, BFM also tells me he gave his first granddaughter her own Nylabone because she kept stealing the one that belonged to the dog he had then. I wonder why that dog moved out?
DeleteThe dark bits are the best, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Chicken butts are OK and all, but there's nothing like beef byproduct.
DeleteI had some dessicated roadkill once that was to die for. Stuff's hard to find at Petco, though.
DeleteLucky you. My mother would never let us have the fancy food.
DeleteYou know, I'm rather surprised Miss Angel hasn't chimed in to give us her side of the story.
ReplyDeleteShe's still shunning me. Have no fear. She can't stay quiet for all that long.
Delete