I are smart

I learned a new trick last night.

It's called opening doors.

See, lately I've taken to spending more and more time convincing Beard Face Man to put me on his lap while he's siting by that machine with the glowing box on top just above the rattly things he hits with his fingers. He'll do it if I lean in real close and push against his leg. I think I make him feel guilty. Whatever. I don't care as long as he picks me up and pets me.

See, we all have our addictions. I don't smoke, don't drink, and I no longer wander around aimlessly in the pen inseminating every female I have an eye on. And thanks a lot for that by the way, rescue people and the damnable veterinarians you hire to do your evil deeds. But I do like affection. Even when I have push for it.

The thing with Beard Face Man is that he doesn't have much of a lap unless he crosses his legs (or so he claims). He also claims that he can only sit there with his legs crossed one way for only about fifteen minutes. So I often find myself with an inadequate amount of Stewie adoration.

People don't realize this, but we dogs pay very, very close attention to them and know their every move. I can be napping in my bed while he turns off the glowing machine, pours himself a glass of water and tries to sneak quietly into bed. But I've picked up on his tricks. Over the course of a month or so, I've learned to predict the times he's sneaking into bed, and quite often have been able to sneak into the room before he is even aware of it. Then, once he's in bed, but before he falls asleep, I show up next to his side, staring into his face. Naturally, when I do that he feels guilty, as well he should. He picks me up and I get another half hour or so of quality petting time before he finally picks me up and carries me back into the room where I have to sleep with Angel.

But last night I learned something. If the door isn't closed all the way, you can push on it and it will open up again. Then you can walk back into the room, stand next to where Beard Face Man's bearded face is hanging off the pillow, drooling, stare into his eyes and he will eventually see you and pick you up and give you even more quality time.

I got an extra half hour last night, but BFM seems to be afraid about rolling over on me and crushing me. That, plus he whined about losing too much sleep. So he picked me up and took me out and set me in bed with Angel again. Of course I immediately tried to follow him back into his room, but he closed the door and it made a funny metallic clicking sound. I bumped up against it several times but I couldn't get it to open again. But understand this. I'm a patient Chihuey. And not too stupid, if I do say so myself. I'll figure this one out yet. And when I do, he'll get no sleep. No sleep at all.

Bwahahaha.