I learned a new trick last night.
It's called opening doors.
See, lately I've taken to spending more
and more time convincing Beard Face Man to put me on his lap while
he's siting by that machine with the glowing box on top just above
the rattly things he hits with his fingers. He'll do it if I lean in
real close and push against his leg. I think I make him feel guilty.
Whatever. I don't care as long as he picks me up and pets me.
See, we all have our addictions. I
don't smoke, don't drink, and I no longer wander around aimlessly in
the pen inseminating every female I have an eye on. And thanks a lot
for that by the way, rescue people and the damnable veterinarians you
hire to do your evil deeds. But I do like affection. Even when I have
push for it.
The thing with Beard Face Man is that
he doesn't have much of a lap unless he crosses his legs (or so he
claims). He also claims that he can only sit there with his legs
crossed one way for only about fifteen minutes. So I often find
myself with an inadequate amount of Stewie adoration.
People don't realize this, but we dogs
pay very, very close attention to them and know their every move. I
can be napping in my bed while he turns off the glowing machine,
pours himself a glass of water and tries to sneak quietly into bed.
But I've picked up on his tricks. Over the course of a month or so,
I've learned to predict the times he's sneaking into bed, and quite
often have been able to sneak into the room before he is even aware
of it. Then, once he's in bed, but before he falls asleep, I show up
next to his side, staring into his face. Naturally, when I do that he
feels guilty, as well he should. He picks me up and I get another
half hour or so of quality petting time before he finally picks me up
and carries me back into the room where I have to sleep with Angel.
But last night I learned something. If
the door isn't closed all the way, you can push on it and it will
open up again. Then you can walk back into the room, stand next to
where Beard Face Man's bearded face is hanging off the pillow,
drooling, stare into his eyes and he will eventually see you and pick
you up and give you even more quality time.
I got an extra half hour last night,
but BFM seems to be afraid about rolling over on me and crushing me.
That, plus he whined about losing too much sleep. So he picked me up
and took me out and set me in bed with Angel again. Of course I
immediately tried to follow him back into his room, but he closed the
door and it made a funny metallic clicking sound. I bumped up against
it several times but I couldn't get it to open again. But understand
this. I'm a patient Chihuey. And not too stupid, if I do say so
myself. I'll figure this one out yet. And when I do, he'll get no
sleep. No sleep at all.
Bwahahaha.
