Sunday, April 13, 2014

I are smart

I learned a new trick last night.

It's called opening doors.

See, lately I've taken to spending more and more time convincing Beard Face Man to put me on his lap while he's siting by that machine with the glowing box on top just above the rattly things he hits with his fingers. He'll do it if I lean in real close and push against his leg. I think I make him feel guilty. Whatever. I don't care as long as he picks me up and pets me.

See, we all have our addictions. I don't smoke, don't drink, and I no longer wander around aimlessly in the pen inseminating every female I have an eye on. And thanks a lot for that by the way, rescue people and the damnable veterinarians you hire to do your evil deeds. But I do like affection. Even when I have push for it.

The thing with Beard Face Man is that he doesn't have much of a lap unless he crosses his legs (or so he claims). He also claims that he can only sit there with his legs crossed one way for only about fifteen minutes. So I often find myself with an inadequate amount of Stewie adoration.

People don't realize this, but we dogs pay very, very close attention to them and know their every move. I can be napping in my bed while he turns off the glowing machine, pours himself a glass of water and tries to sneak quietly into bed. But I've picked up on his tricks. Over the course of a month or so, I've learned to predict the times he's sneaking into bed, and quite often have been able to sneak into the room before he is even aware of it. Then, once he's in bed, but before he falls asleep, I show up next to his side, staring into his face. Naturally, when I do that he feels guilty, as well he should. He picks me up and I get another half hour or so of quality petting time before he finally picks me up and carries me back into the room where I have to sleep with Angel.

But last night I learned something. If the door isn't closed all the way, you can push on it and it will open up again. Then you can walk back into the room, stand next to where Beard Face Man's bearded face is hanging off the pillow, drooling, stare into his eyes and he will eventually see you and pick you up and give you even more quality time.

I got an extra half hour last night, but BFM seems to be afraid about rolling over on me and crushing me. That, plus he whined about losing too much sleep. So he picked me up and took me out and set me in bed with Angel again. Of course I immediately tried to follow him back into his room, but he closed the door and it made a funny metallic clicking sound. I bumped up against it several times but I couldn't get it to open again. But understand this. I'm a patient Chihuey. And not too stupid, if I do say so myself. I'll figure this one out yet. And when I do, he'll get no sleep. No sleep at all.

Bwahahaha.

14 comments:

  1. Just finish reading all of your great posts. Keep it up stew, old bearded man is a good owner!

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    1. Thank you, Mr. Jeremy.

      Say, you aren't the same Mr. Jeremy who takes care of my good friend Haggis Chihuahua, are you? :)

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  2. Wow, Stewie. You are a genius! I wish I could open doors. Manboy always has his door closed. Sometimes I'm closed in. Sometimes I'm closed out. He hit me on the head with a cookie today. Why would he do that? It hit the floor and broke. I like to break my own cookies. The cats stare at me. I think they are plotting my demise. The dad person keeps groaning. I hope they don't put him to sleep. I like him even if he hates my kisses. Sometimes I sneak kisses anyway. Kisses make everyone feel better. The mom person is missing. No one seems worried so I won't. We watched the sometimeswindow last night and I got to sit on the sofa between Manboy and the dad person. The sometimeswindow showed a person dressed like a bat. Why would it dress like a bat? I got a lot of attention too. Manboy uses a glowy clicky finger box too ALL the time. I wonder what makes it so fascinating. I wish I knew how to make it go dark. I think it takes Manboy's attention from me. Let me know if you figure that one out.

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    1. Hi, Tiffi. I'm so glad you dropped by again.

      The door thing is easy once you get the hang of it. Mostly. At least if it is partway open. I haven't worked out how to use the handle yet, but I'll let you know once I get it.

      I get the sense that Manboy might be a puppy. Puppies do things like break cookies. Maybe you should clear all your cookies and reboot. Don't reboot Manboy, though. That wouldn't be a good thing.

      You might want to try using the glowy clicky finger box to your advantage. When Manboy is paying attention to it and not you, just climb up into his lap and look adorable. Bet that will work.

      Bye. :)

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  3. Stick to your guns, Stewie. You have the right to be petted 24/7/365. It's the law.

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    1. It may not be the law yet, but after the coronation, they all better watch out.

      Stewie

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    2. I hope this isn't too forward, but...can I pet you?

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    3. First date and we're already to the petting stage? My, my. Somebody moves fast.

      *rolls onto back*

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    4. It's your own fault for being so freaking irresistibly adorable.

      *rubs Stewie's belly*

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    5. Don't be jealous. I have a feeling Stewie might let you pet him, too.

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    6. Fat chance. I much prefer gulls.

      :D

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  4. Oh, you are just so dang CUTE!

    *scritches Stewie behind ears*

    Who's the cutest little apple head ever? You are! You're the cutest little apple head ever!

    *rubs Stewie's belly*

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  5. Hey, Stewie! Any room for bears in that bed? I had a short hibernation. I can open that danged door anytime you want.

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